Four Years Ago…Today | Life Changed

Four years ago today, our world changed as we knew it.

Married less than a year, blissfully pregnant with twins.  Settling in for the evening when all of a sudden… in the blink of an eye…we found ourselves facing a new ‘normal’.

We had to call 911 (for the first, and hopefully ONLY time in our lives).   The ambulance arrived within minutes, but those minutes ticking away felt like hours.  With each tick of the clock, the odds of us delivering healthy babies went further down.

I was taken to a hospital where they refused to treat me.  You see, I wasn’t yet to 24 weeks in my pregnancy; the ‘magic’ number that most medical facilities use as a way to determine ‘viability’ in a pregnancy.  Factor in the fact that I was pregnant with twins just exacerbated that milestone.

I often wonder what our life would be like today had we NOT lost our girls.  I definitely think that I wouldn’t be as thankful for what we’ve been given had this not happened.

I was always a believer of ‘everything happens for a reason’ until this happened to us.  I mean, WHY would this happen to us?  WHAT was the REASON for us to lose our babies?  Our girls?  Our daughters?

Now, four years later, I have a different take on things.  Although I still hate to think that this happened for a reason, I know it did.

You see, had this not happened to us, then I might still be living life in a fog; not being thankful for the smallest things; missing out on all the details that makes life wondrous; what makes your life unique.

Had this not happened to us, we wouldn’t have our beautiful boys.

Had this not happened to us, I may not have started my photography business.

When this happened to us, I joined various groups online; support forums for grieving parents.  I joined groups on Yahoo! that are specifically for parents that have lost multiples.  Without the support of those people, I may not have made it to this point.  I was in a deep, dark horrible crevice in my mind.  And now, I feel like I’m basking in the sun in an open meadow.

I wouldn’t change a thing in my life.  I wouldn’t take back anything, not even losing my girls.  Because as difficult as it has been, it has made me who I am today.

I am stronger.  I am more appreciative.  I am thankful.

4 comments to Four Years Ago…Today | Life Changed

  • Julie Barb

    Wow…you have a great perspective on life. I just got goosebumps reading that! You are amazing and inspiring. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings…

    Julie

  • I was thinking of you – and how far you’ve come. Hugs!

  • Monica

    Wow…what a beautiful tribute! I’ve been thinking of you A LOT this week despite being too busy at work to call you! I LOVE YOU ALL & am looking forward to seeing you this weekend! XOXO Your sis & Aunt Monca:)

  • Stephanie

    I will ALWAYS remember how old your girls are since we should have been celebrating birthdays together – Evan, Angelina & Gabriella would all have been December babies! I will also ALWAYS remember when they became angels because we were celebrating Connor’s August birthday while you were going through the toughest time of your life. It’s kind of uncanny to me but maybe this is God’s way of helping us keep a strong friendship by making these events happen during very memorable times of both of our lives. It’s just that memories are not always good ones. I love you! ((hugs))

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